


Burn

by Layla Z (1D_Fan)



Series: Broken [2]
Category: Video Blogging & YouTube RPF, Youtubers
Genre: LukeIsNotSexy, M/M, Multi, MusicalBethan, MutantBoyfriend, OurSecondLife, Pointlessblog, RyansAverageLife, SDK, Troye, Zoella28039
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-31
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-01-15 04:08:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 14,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1290748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1D_Fan/pseuds/Layla%20Z
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been almost one year since the massacre at Clarke High School, as everyone comes together for a final goodbye old romances will be rekindled with a few twists</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Zoe

**Author's Note:**

> Please read Part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ PART ONE FIRST PLEASE

Inky night gives way to dim sky,

Zoe zipped up her last suitcase before shoving a couple pounds of makeup in her carry on and tossing it all to the front door. She was oddly excited for the trip that was quickly approaching, she'd barely slept a wink in anticipation. The thought of being back in america with everyone from Clarke made her jittery, she couldn't fathom why. This wasn't a high school reunion or anything of that nature. She still couldn't help her excitement, she'd get to see Connor and hug him until his arms broke off and Jim it almost distracted her from the real reason she was going to america...almost. With slightly lower spirits she snuck one of her old yearbooks in her bag, it was a tight fit but she compromised on two bottles of hairspray for it. Her idea was to pack light, for the week she'd be there but that would hardly be enough time to see everyone, mourn and shop so she added an extra three weeks or four depending on how long each stage of the visit took and on how long she could share a room with Joe and not strangle him.

Right on cue Joe came puffing down the steps with a duffel bag that weighed more than him,"Give me a hand would you." He breathed, his face turning red.

Zoe took another end of the bag easing it down to the landing. "Don't you look chiper." She said sarcastically as they started down the next set of stairs.

"Why would I be happy to go to a funeral?"

"It's not a funeral."

"Whatever." Joe mumbled.

Zoe would rather focus on the happy parts first and deal with all the sad stuff later. Until then she decided to cut Joe some slack, he'd just killed his third goldfish within the week, death was heavy on his mind. "What if you meet a pretty girl?"

"I just started my apprenticeship, I don't have time for girls."

That was another thing to tack on the list, find Joe a girlfriend. They dropped the bag at the door right along with Zoe's. Joe wiped sweat off his forehead then marched back up the stairs. Zoe couldn't possibly understand why if that bag was so heavy did he need another? The door bell rang filling the room with a  _ding-dong_ type of sound. Through the wire mesh screen Zoe saw Bethan smiling wide. Zoe waved her in happy to see not everyone was gloomy.

"Zozeeboo!" She screamed enveloping her in a hug.

Bethan and Zoe up until last year had almost been complete strangers after that day in september they'd began to bond and so far they were only getting closer.

Joe groaned as he stumbled down the staircase with yet another two hundred pound bag. "Now there's two of you?" Zoe couldn't tell if the grumble was from the bag or for the fact that he'd be spending three hours in a car with her ×2.

"You guys need any help?" Bethan asked shouldering Zoe's carry on.

"Yes." Joe and Zoe said in unison.

"Luke!" Bethan called out to the car, she held up a finger when she noticed the expression on Zoe's face.

Luke came trotting up the walk in a stripped green shirt, he waved at Zoe then Joe rolling out one of Zoe's bright pink suitcases. As soon as he was out of earshot...

"Luke?!" Zoe asked her eyes widening.

"I know what you're thinking-" Bethan said placing cautionary hands on each of Zoe's shoulders.

"Oh you do?"

Joe, seeing he wasn't going to get any work out of them rolled out the rest of Zoe's suitcases and kicked out one of the duffel bags. "Girls." He mumbled.

"...he needed a ride to the airport that's all, I swear. I sat in the back seat and we didn't even talk about old stuff."

"So you guys are completely done?"

"Finished, no chance at all for that boat to sail."

Zoe sighed. She wanted to believe it but truth be told they made eachother smile and ever since last year Luke and Bethan were the cutest couple in Brighton. "Okay."

"Thank you!" She chirped and they both headed to the car as Luke packed in the last bag.

"Finally done talking about me?" He asked flashing a smile.

Their faces flared red.

"Come on I'm a good sport. Since this is gonna be such a long drive Zoe you'll drive first hour, I'll drive second and Bethan goes third, deal?" It wasn't really a question but Zoe nodded to show her approval.

The four of them packed in the car Joe in the passengers seat, Bethan and Luke in the back. Half an hour into the drive they were holing hands, fourty five minutes in they'd fallen asleep leaning on eachothers shoulders. Zoe rolled her eyes, they were definitly 'finished'.

 


	2. Tyler

Tyler slept longer than he thought possible, without the clanging sound of Troye in the bathroom or the overall air of him there wasn't anything interesting about waking up. Other than the kitchen of course but he'd already packed on his freshman fifteen and was midway through the junior twenty while Troye seemed to stay perfectly thin. Why'd he have to get such a perfect boyfriend?

The house was quiet except for the hum of his air conditioner and the so called central heating that turned the basement into an icebox and upstairs into a sauna. When Troye was there he hardly ever noticed the temperature, they could be burning up in a fire and he'd never notice as long as he had Troye's hand in his, they could watch City Lights for the ten billionth time and it wouldn't even matter. He'd have to settle for face time until next they met up...whenever that would be.

"Tyler!" Troye said excitedly, he wore a christmas like sweater that made him look 10× cuter. 

Tyler didn't bother fixing his hair or putting on a shirt he just wanted to talk,"Hello my prince how I have missed you."

"Way to lay it on thick. Don't you think I miss you too?"

"It can't be half as much as I miss you."

"Twice as much?"

"Don't be gay." Usually he'd hide in the warmth of Troye's neck and giggle but of course he was across the world in a country he could never dream of visiting.

"It's impossible not to be."

Tyler spent a moment mezmorized by Troye's eyes, he felt almost like he was drowing but there wasn't any burning in his throat only the serene peace that came just before things went black, he was disrupted from his day dream by the melodic voice he wished was closer to him.

"You're always staring at me...is it my hair, I'm jet lagged y'know might have under eye circles-"

"You look fine, you always do."

Troye tried brushing off the comment but his face was visibly hotter. "Are you even ready yet?"

"Ready for what." Tyler hoped this had something to do with the whole webcam sex thing, Troye had been putting it off since the day Tyler first said anything about it and while it was a complete joke he couldn't seem to extinguish that small fire of hope that said 'maybe'.

"The airport." Troye turned the camera out the window to all the cars linning the blacktop and the planes pulling in.

Tyler's eyes went wide."That's today?"

"Tyler!" 

"Yeah I know!" He left the camera on walking around the room he grabbed the first few things he saw. Sweat pants, a black shirt and sneakers as if he actually ran. "Where are you now?"

"Denver, they say it might be another two hours before we get there."

"LAX?"

"Yeah is it too far."

Tyler stopped all his rushing to clarify something quickly,"Nothing is to far for you."

Troye blushed remaining quiet as Tyler put on his baseball cap."Presentable?" He asked twirling.

Troye nodded quickly distracted by something,"Just get there...fast. I gotta go." 

"Goodbye my love," Tyler said desparingly.

Troye smiled and the screen went dark.

Nothing like an early morning face time with the world's greatest boyfriend to lift a man's spirits. Tyler rifled around in his cabinet for a box of something to snack on, he took a box of granola bars Troye would probably like and that he wouldn't mind stomaching. After grabbing his keys off the kitchen table he was off to meet his destiny. 

-+

The drive couldn't seem to go fast enough, he was always squeezing the steering wheel or chewing his lip he tried to keep reminding himself a watched pot never boils but he couldn't control the electricity surging through everytime he thought of holding Troye's warm body to his own and losing his fingers in that hair. All this waiting and desparate hopes of return must be what one referred to as hell.

 

 

 

 


	3. Jim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead. Chloe I saw all of your comments and they made me really happy thank you, Neverland_Stronghold and my other six guests for giving a kudos. I'm sorry I don't update enough but I promise I will try.

Jim busied himself with mindless tasks such as washing dishes, doing laundry and scrubbing the bathroom, he kept his earphones in playing the music so loud it was impossible to think. It made his head hurt and his teeth chatter but he'd do just about anything to stop his mind from taking control. Dishes for one were nothing, laundry consisted of bedding and t-shirts while the bathroom already smelled like bleach from yesterday's scrub down. In less than half an hour he had nothing to do but go over the same spot with his dish rag and replay Muse songs. 

His hands had shriveled to prunes shaking so hard he dropped the plate, watching the porcelain crack and shatter under the boiling water. Jim dug in the garbage disposal for shards slicing his finger in several places as he tried bringing the pieces back up to the surface. The water stung and the longer his hand remained under the sink the more cuts seemed to form. 

Jim yanked his hand out with a small grunt then turned the water on cold clearing out all the blood for a better look. Just a few scratches, nothing to deep. He took several Hello Kitty band aids out from under the sink they reminded him of Tanya. After a few seconds Jim was back to searching for something to occupy himself with...the phone started ringing, he walked gratefully to the reciever.

 "Hello?"

"Hey Jim!" It was Zoe yelling into the phone like she was deaf.

"Why are you yelling?"

A few moments passed before Zoe answered talking in a calmer voice,"Sorry we just got to the mall, some big christmas sale."

"It's september and why're you at the mall?"

"There was a layaway special and you can't turn those down it's a sin. We were supposed to just stop for gas then Luke had to pee and Bethan wanted to get ice cream."

"Luke?"

"Bethan's boyfriend sort of."

"Sort of?"

"It's a girl thing anyway, I wanted to let you know Bethan and Luke wanted to stay with you too on the hotel website it said something like 'remembering the teens of the Clarke Massacre' so they canceled."

All the feelings Jim had been trying to repress came, flooding his brain with those devilish thoughts. He felt himself shrink into the folds of his sweater.

"Jim?" Zoe asked, her voice laced with concern.

Jim swallowed the hard feeling growing in his throat before answering,"Yeah it's fine I'll make room for them." He didn't wait for a goodbye and just pressed end.

He was shaking so hard he fell to the carpet taking the phone with him. He didn't know whether this was just another shaking fit or a seizure he'd been getting those off and on recently and they were only getting worse. He took the fact that he could use his brain as a sign it was just another fit all he had to do was breathe...in...out...in...out. He wanted to be there for Zoe so badly it hurt but how far could he go before it backfired? 

The doorbell rang, making Jim jump. He tried combing his hair with his fingers, gave up halfway through then swung the door open to see Tanya standing there in her starbucks uniform and her hair cascading down her shoulders she looked beautiful.

"Jim?"

His eyes were frozen on her shoes the black flats she wore every where but to bed. The ones he'd bought her almost two years ago.

"Are you alright?" She waved her hand back and forth hoping for some reaction, he raised an eyebrow. "I wanted to ask if you were alright."

He nodded slowly without looking up.

"You don't seem alright." She took in his bleach smell the fresh air of him he must've been cleaning like crazy...not a good sign. "I know we broke up and all but...I'm not gonna stop caring about you."

"Yeah."Jim wanted her to forget they ever breathed the same air, for her to see him around town and wonder who is that guy or pay him no attention at all but she wouldn't that was just her way. 

"I'm going to the museum later to waste some time before I take the night shift i'd love it if you'd come."

"Mm hm."

Tanya felt her insides twist. She wasn't going to let Jim waste away in the hell hole he'd convinced himself was a house if she was to ever claim she loved him she'd say what he needed to hear. "That wasn't a question you're going to come with me whether you like it or not and I don't care if you hate me forever but nothing is waiting for you here except bad memories and headaches. I love you I don't care how hell bent you are on destroying yourself but tonight you're mine pretty boy." She pulled on the sleeve of his sweater inching him forward.

Jim looked back into his livingroom with the phone lying on the floor and the shards of plate still in the sink. He couldn't leave the house in such disarray but at the same time as much as he wanted to let Tanya live free of his downward pull if she was asking to be taken down too this invitation to be ruined could only last so long. So what would he choose?

"Tanya...I'm crazy y'know."

"I like crazy." She smiled pulling Jim's door shut.

 


	4. Connor

With a whoosh of air that knocked him backward the east bound train to Walabash Village came barreling down the track turning the quiet train station into a wind tunnel for a second. Connor shook Trevor to a half awakened state looping one of Trevor's skinny arms around his neck, they limped their way into a corner of the train sitting in a double seat as the doors wheezed closed and the car started chugging along. Trevor's head hung on Connor's shoulder like a weight bobbing with the rhythm of the train. 

Connor stared out the window at the black tunnel imagining a hundred different things at once. He thought about the time when he tried to make egg soba noodles for breakfast with Kian, Jc and Ricky. He almost strangeld one of them that day for making him late for second period again he was fuming when Mr.What's His Name handed out the detention, now it didn't seem so important. He thought about when Jc got his hand stuck in the elevator and started balling right there infront of a bunch of suited people. They laughed about that for centuries and everytime Jc sat in silence seething, he was finally begining to understand what people meant when they said the grass is always greener. 

That was the whole point of his day out with Trevor, to spend some time with the ten year old before he got shipped back to Poway. They were headed back to the house to meet Sam then they'd pick up Jonah and have their own little celebration in honor of it being Saturday september first. Trevor was up nonstop picking out decorations and party hats, he loved shopping then they went to the cheesecake factory where Trevor consumed his weight in chicken nuggets and cake. Connor was glad that after so long he'd finally get to see one of those bucktoothed smiles. Things were actually starting to look up for everyone if it wasn't for the stupid farewell Connor might have been able to get on with his life.

For some reason the new principal at Clarke was determined to ruin the end of his summer with making him the honorary planner of the Senior Farewell and the reunion for all of last years students the so called 'last goodbye' to all the people who...didn't graduate. Adding honorary to the title didn't make him feel anybetter about spending his weeks searching out flower shops, venues, calling families and researching the entire lives of twenty five people all for a two hour ceremony full of crying people and all the stupid british kids, none of it would've happened if they'd stayed in whatever hell it was they were before.

-no, Connor promised himself he wasn't going to blame them, it wasn't their fault.

Trevor's head popped up abruptly he looked around the dingy train car a second before turning his attention on Connor,"What time is it?" He asked rubbing his eyes until he saw stars.

Connor glanced at his phone screen saying,"Eight fourty one."

"My mom said she didn't want me up all hours of the night, I need my sleep for voice coaching on Monday."

"You can sleep until two o'clock tomorrow, tonight you're gonna live it up."

"Why're you wasting your Saturday with me you could hang out with Tyler or Jonah?"

"Tyler left to meet his boyfriend at the airport no way am I spending an entire day with those saps and we are meeting Jonah and Sam later."

"Yeah but you could've went out with Jonah, he likes cheesecake.."

"Why would I do that you're my buddy."

"I'm a chubby ten year old who annoys everyone with my moods." Trevor crossed his arms staring straight ahead.

"Fine then I guess I'll return Halo after you leave Sunday."

Trevor's face lit up,"You got Halo?"

"Cost me a shinny penny but yes I have it." Connor dug the box out of a bag from Gamestop holding it inches from Trevor's awaiting hands.

"No way, can I touch it?"

"It's yours if you'll stop pouting, accept my gift and that yes I do like being around your moody ass."

"Done." Trevor snatched the game looking over the green xbox case,"It smells...like plastic." He pressed the game to his face stuck in his own world.

Connor didn't think it was fair Trevor had to experience so much loss in his life so soon, most ten year olds played soccer and football but Trevor spent most of his days in voice coaching or writing tons of letters to Jc, Kian and Ricky he never used to be into writing but it was a good outlet for his feelings. Connor usually spent all his extra time practicing his back stroke in the community pool but all his school stuff usually took up his time until summer rolled along and all the planning he was only getting paid nine hundred dollars for. Emotional distress, stress in general, bus fair, train fair, and countless hours calling people's parents to ask about their dead kids. Nine hundred dollars was  **not** enough. 

"Do I have to keep it over your house?" Trevor asked looking over the plastic encased game, he rand his fingers over the bright letters mumbling 'you're my baby'.

"Why would you leave it with me."

"I don't know...Connor?"

"Hm?"

"Don't feel bad for me I don't need anyone's sympathy."

Connor let out a small laugh dropping his head on Trevor's shoulder and allowing his eyes to close. 

-+

 Sam pulled at the edges of his beanie cap so it covered the red tips of his ears he kept looking down the road for Connor and Trevor to come up the pavement they were supposed to have gotten there by nine. It was almost ten thirty, he kept up the hope they hadn't forgotten about him and it was just a delay on the train. Ten thirty one...his knuckles grinded past eachother while his nerves were getting the best of him. Ten thirty two, the bus broke down and they got on the wrong train yep that's it...what else could he make up? 

"Sam!" 

He sighed that was probably his mom telling to give up, nobody wants to be around him not since he went anti social. Everybody at school avoided him too or threw spaghetti sauce at him whenever they had it on the lunch menu he deserved it anyway. 

"Sam!" Why did that sound so much like Trevor?

He gazed lazily down the street and like a mirage there they were Connor loaded down with bags and Trevor riding on his back. "Sam!" They said together with Trevor waving his arms eradically.

Sam broke into a sprint to meet them half way,"Geez I thought you guys left me." Sam said, breathless. He took several bags holding them close to his chest.

"We fell asleep on the train, where else would we go?" Connor asked.

Sam shrugged. "Are you meeting Jonah, Nash and Cameron?"

"Jonah yeah but Nash and Cameron no way I'm so sick of those guys. They eat all my food and totally destroyed Ricardo's room. When he gets back from Tennessee after he finishes my murder for having them over he's going to kill them."

"I thought they were fun." Trevor  commented.

"Of course you would."

Trevor stuck out his tongue digging the Halo game out from under his shirt,"Look what Connor got me."

Sam rubbed his eyes to make sure they were seeing right,"Are you kidding me these cost like a billion dollars."

"It was more like thirty actually but that's like half my food budget...I don't need to eat though ha-ha."

"If you're serious I'll bring you pizza twenty four seven." Sam turned the case in his hands almost worshipping the game like Trevor.

"No but i'd still love that pizza."

Sam couldn't understand why the Connor Franta wanted to be around them, looking between him and Trevor he saw they were all sort of sharing a thought.  _This,_ Sam reminded himself  _is my family._

-+

Jonah was waiting at the house when the trio finally made their way to the front door. Trevor immediatly perked up slidding off Connor's back he took Sam by the wrist and the bags with the decorations, he ran straight to 'the spare room' to hang streamers, set out bowls of chips and clear the floor for twister while Sam set up the piñata and hunted down the radio. 

"This party is gonna rock!" Jonah cheered following after the younger two.

Without Ricky, Kian and Jc things seemed to only go downward but that night they ate themselves into small bellies, used a few new muscles on twister and laughed and laughed and laughed...


	5. Caspar

"Caspar, do you think I should wear shorts or jeans the weatherman said it'd be chilly but it's really sunny out." Gaby shielded her eyes from the blinding light.

Caspar stopped spinning in his office chair long enough to think about his answer,"Your purse is a bottomless pit just wear the shorts and stuff the jeans in your bag if it gets to cold."

"Leggings!" She felt the lightbulb going off then started going through her drawer for the white leggings that Caspar bought 'cause of how big they made her butt look. 

"Then why'd you ask?" 

"We always go through this, I ask to get my brain moving," she leans over the arm of his chair to plant a kiss on his cheek.

"Right." Caspar had one more spin then started up again typing his pre-report on The Clarke High thing he was the one stuck with covering the farewell for the school paper it was only because he wasn't there the year everything went down. Did that make him lucky? 

He knew a few things like a bunch of british kids came over and one of them went postal killing a bunch of seniors and a few freshman. He saw a loads of papers covering it for maybe six months then Miley Cyrus made a new song or something. He wanted to bring justice to all those people without being a sap, rude, cold-hearted or ignorant which is what one would refer to as impossible but his name was Caspar Lee and dammit if he'd let this be the story that put an end to his journalism career.

"How do you think this will effect the community?" He read his first question to Gaby hoping for a thumbs up.

"It happened a year ago they already know how it  **effected** the community." 

"I mean the whole reunion thing will it open up old wounds or something," Caspar ran a hand through his hair turning the question over in his head,"...how do you expect this to effect the community? It's future tense see, so now he'll know I'm talking about the reunion that has yet to pass."

"I like it businessman. I gotta get to my audition now try not work yourself to hard." She stuffed ballet slippers into her duffel.

"No kiss."

Then the door closed.

 _She's such a tease,_ Caspar thought going over his second question. Last night he'd gotten to ten but he wanted a bit more variety for the other interviews especially for Connor Franta. Ms.Wrain told him maybe thirty times to make sure he saved his best questions for the coordinator which meant two hard hitting ones to make him think, one joke and two for the public or at least that's how Caspar had worked it out. He'd swing by Jack's to make sure they made sense.

He decided to ask a few parents, a teacher, Connor Franta, and all of the british kids. Especially Troye Sivan, he was said to be the best friend of the shooter Bertie Gilbert, as far as Caspar had researched on him he knew Bertie was orphaned at the age of six. His parents cleaned out the house one day while he was at school and he never saw them again, that was a real dick move, then he moved to a foster home where things get shady and at a school around that time he met Troye Sivan. 

Caspar made a list of all the things he had to get done before the day ended;

Finish five more questions

Do more research on Bertie Gilbert

Talk to Jack 

Read up on teenage bullying, suicide and depression

Pick up Gaby

 Call his family to remind them how awesome they are and make jokes about how much he loves california.

After a cup of coffee Caspar cracked his knuckles and got to work, this was do-able.


	6. Zoe

"Zoeeeeee...Zo...Zoe!"

It must be christmas morning, Joe's jumping on her bed making the pillows fly. She bats at the air whining,"Stop it, Joe."

Except the voice that answers is deeper and more mature, Zoe opened her eyes to see it was infact Joe but he's not five wearing spiderman pyjamas he has on jeans and a white t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up a bit. 

"Rise n' shine princess," he says mockingly pulling her out of the cramped backseat into the sunlight of another day. 

They were standing infront of an attractive apartment complex with rose buses and fresh black mulch in the front yard the sidewalks were bright white without so much as a blade of grass. Luke, Bethan and Joe had emptied out the trunk of the taxi while Zoe finished up on her beauty sleep they'd dragged Joe's duffel bags to the lobby and were waiting for Jim when the groggy Zoe stumbled in.

"It's inhuman to wake others up before...nine a.m. I haven't even eaten." She slumped across the cold granite of the reception desk imagining Lucky Charms and orange juice. 

"You're such a diva." Joe pulled her upright then shoved a granola bar in her hands, giving Bethan a look like 'shut-up' to which she grinned. "We're waiting for Jim, they're saying he might be asleep."

"Oh." Zoe nibbled her granola. Chocolate and peanut butter, someone must've hit Joe over the head with a frying pan if he was giving up a chocolate and peanut butter granola bar for her. 

She watched Bethan and Luke stand scarily close to eachother with Luke's head resting atop hers Bethan doesn't seem to mind. Zoe didn't understand what she had against him but there was a reason the two of them had broken up and Zoe didn't want to be the one picking up the pieces when they realized why that was.

It sort of made her wish she wasn't always alone like when Alfie carried her on his back through the entire carnival without once complaining. Or the time they went to the beach and they sat in the sand until it got so dark they used sticks to pat their way back to the car...Alfie.

Joe abruptly started snapping humming the teletubbies theme song over and over.

Zoe cracked a tiny smile, she saw he was trying to get her mind off the bad things. But all of a sudden she wasn't so cheery, it was going to be so hard watching Bethan and Luke be so happy and lovey dovey while the only person she'd ever loved was-.  _Smile and don't let it show,_ she repeated to herself forcing out a little grin.

Jim appeared finally with his hair matted to his forehead and gray sweat pants, he looked like he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep in the last five years. Zoe squeezed him until she lost feeling in her arms then squeezed a little tighter. "Jim."

"Miss me much?"

Joe tried playing it cool with a handshake but Jim pulled him in for a group hug with Zoe and he didn't even protest. It was making real something they hadn't actively realized they were thinking, Jim is still here always has been and always will be.

"How was your flight?" He asked after another long squeeze from Luke and Bethan.

"Terrible we got stuck next to a sweaty old woman, she kept offering us rice cakes. They were probably laced with rhypnol..." Joe went on and on until half the bags were at the font door then he just stopped talking.

"But did you at least try the rice cake?" Jim asked puffing a bit as he drug up one of Joe's duffel bags with considerable difficulty. 

"No I'm not trying to be sexually assualted on an airplane."

"They could've been really good rice cakes y'know like with a dash of sugar or flavor, maybe she was on a connecting flight from japan where she learned to make superior rice cakes or-" 

"Not everyone is a closet Santa there are actually some real ass...jerks out there."

Jim nodded probably not believing a word. He thought that if you looked deep enough you'd see some good in everyone.

Zoe stayed quiet while they talked pretending to pick the paint off her nails but really she wanted to deduce the elephant in the room. They weren't here to catch up with old friends,  everyone's dead...we're here to acknowledge and come to terms with that in a ceremony. She knew it was stupid to spend so much time thinking about something that hasn't happened yet it only gave her stress lines.

 Jim shoved his key in the slot swinging the door open,"Es mi casa." He grinned from ear to ear as everyone jumped over the bags for a view.

The floor was a pure black carpet that Jim probably scrubbed down daily the house was very simple with a coffee tables, one couch and a single chair at the tiny kitchen table, Zoe thought the place was cute yet lonely. 

"It's so clean." Luke said running his hand over the wall.

"I'm a bit of a neat freak sorry." Jim rubbed the back of his neck watching the four of them look around and gape he had the overwhelming urge to mess everything up,"I'll go get Tanya."

"Tanya's here?" Joe asked in disbelief. 

"Yeah she bought me home after a...party." before anyone could say anything about that he was up the stairs.

They heard Tanya yell 'what', Jim's laughing and a scuffle before she appeared in a blue sweatshirt that looked like it could swallow her,"Hey everybody!" She grabbed Zoe and Bethan into a hug then Joe looking at Luke questioningly,"I don't believe we've met before."

"Luke Cutforth, nice to meet you...Tanya." he stretched out a hand smiling nervously. 

Tanya rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around him in a hug,"Hello Luke."

His face flashed a different color before she released him. 

Zoe noticed a dark mark on Tanya's neck and several smaller ones trailing into her shirt,"Are those...love bites." She pulled Bethan over so they could have a better look.

"That is surely a love bite. How'd you get those." Bethan asked.

Tanya slapped a hand over it coughing at about the same time Jim did,"...you guys have got to be starving...I'll order some pizza."

"The phone's broken." Joe pointed to the cord snipped in half. 

"I'll use Jim's cellphone, why don't you help me find it?" She tugged Jim along by the collar of his shirt and they were gone.

Zoe smiled to herself then tugged a few more bags in with considerable difficulty. So Luke and Bethan were getting back together now Jim and Tanya. She was much more excited for them they never should've broken up in the first place they both had a bad habit of pushing people away and this time they ended up driving eachother apart. She hoped it worked out for them.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom, okay." Zoe chewed her lip, taking the stairs slowly. 

The upstairs was twice as clean as down stairs if that were possible the walls were a warmer brown and had three sets of hand prints on each one. Jim's door had two and was slightly ajar while the last door had a single hand print with a bold M written in black marker. Her curiousity getting the best of her Zoe turned the knob inching the door inward.

A laptop covered in pictures sat on a desk with a crusty red substance on it and the bed was still a mess of sheets and things. Zoe looked closer at the laptop feeling are eyes begin to fill with tears. 

She sunk to the floor pulling her knees up.  _This must've been his room_. She squeezed her eyes shut and balled her hands into tight fists somewhere she held out that hope that he wasn't actually gone it was only some strange vacation. But the warm hand that was suddenly on her shoulder wasn't his...it was Joe.

"Zoe?" He moved the mess of hair from her face sitting opposite her,"This is..." unable to finish the thought Joe picked up his sisters face to find her eyes,"They're gone Zoe, and they're never coming back...do you get that. All those things you're trying not to think about feel it okay, be sad, cry your eyes out because...it's over for Alfie and M-Mar-"

She started shaking and crying uncontrollably. Joe let her tears drench his shirt while she tried to breathe. 

 


	7. Troye

Troye remembered his first time to america, when Bertie and Emma sat on either side of him. He kept his headphones on the entire ride playing a bunch of beyoncé songs and quoting born this way like a mantra. When they got off the plane he had to hold Bertie's had to keep from losing his mind, people swarmed around them patting them down, checking bags and names. Through it all they only let go once through the security scanners and were right back by eachothers sides while Emma pranced around the entire terminal before anyone could catch her, chatting up shop keepers and buying little trinkets. Troye thought there'd be a mob of the american exchange students all heckling them, he imagined a big crowd screaming, "Go back home!" Instead a bunch of host families showed up with cards displaying the name of the student they'd be housing. Emma paid for one of hotels while Bertie and Troye got stuck with the motel along with everyone else that couldn't afford a host family. Outside Troye had finally let his breath go looking down the long lines of cars and distinct signs directing them where to go, Troye let his hand fall limp while Bertie's was tighter than ever. 

Troye remebered the whole trip like it was imprinted in his brain, he closed his eyes imagining the day. He and Bertie got back to the motel room, running straight to the bed to have a maiden jump, then they bought three boxes of pizza and ate... every... single...one.

Like a flash there was the image of Bertie covered in blood and brain slumped in the closet with the smokimg gun in his hands. 

Troye squeezed his eyes tighter, cranking up the volume on single ladies. If he could take the everything back, he would. Signing up for the exchange trip, coaxing Bertie to go along, even meeting Tyler. None of it was worth losing all those people  **and** his best friend. But most of all he regret ever telling Bertie to admit to Finn he had a crush, if Troye hadn't said anything he'd be with Bertie and they'd hold eachother's hands going into junior year like champs with Emma tagging along. Everyday since that september Troye thought about what it'd be like if he had never said anything about Finn, would twenty five people still have their lives? 

Troye knew all to well he was being self destructive, filling his head with thoughts better left in a dark corner of his mind. But at the same time he couldn't help it, there were so many what ifs that'd never have an answer. That was one thing that sucked about death...you'd never know what a person could be. 

Troye turned his ipod off finally, resting the headphones on his shoulders as the captain annouced they were finally going to land. Back to the place where Troye's worst nightmares were born and his best dreams all at the same time. He wished he had a hand to squeeze, someone to tell all his fears to. 

In a blur the plane landed, people shuffled around getting bags, unbuckling seatbelts, through the metal detectors and the passport questionare. Troye barely realized he was moving until baggage claim when his suitcase came rolling around and the thumping rhythm of feet began to flow through him. Troye quickly snatched up the black and white suitcase, turning on his cochlear implant . He scanned the crowd to find Tyler noticibly absent only unfamiliar faces, expectant people. He didn't have a hand to squeeze to let anybody know all the talking made his head hurt, everyone moving made his heart beat faster and his throat constrict. 

Troye couldn't even explain it to himself, the tight feeling in his chest and wobbling legs. With a heavy feeling he trudged out to the pick up zone on the brink of collasping. 

"Troye!" Tyler called from the end of the car line still in his baseball hat with the lilac hair peaking out. 

Troye dragged the suitcase to the empty trunk of Tyler's rental car. Tears pressed at his eyes begging to be let free. 

Troye slipped into the passengers side of the car without looking at Tyler. With shaking hands he began to sign no voice left to say what he wanted. 

Tyler watched Troye's hand's intenly, paying little attention to the road ahead. He left the car idling in an empty parking space waiting for the hand signs to click. Troye's left hand swooped into his chest then he pointed to himself.

' _Hold onto me'_ a single tear escaped Troye's eye before Tyler grabbed him in. 

"Always."


	8. Jim

Jim studdered over his words as he tried placing the order for pizza. Tanya was standing right beside him in one of his university jersey's with her make up smeared and lipstick trailing to her ears. He gave all his attention to the guy on the other end of the phone running a hand worridely through his hair, could he handle being with Tanya again? What if he didn't give her all the attention she deserved or he wouldn't take her out. 

"...sir...sir?" 

Jim shook his head clear of those destructive thoughts placing an order for two large peperoni pizzas then pocketed the cell phone staring at the blank linolieum. It could use a quick shine but then it'd be cleaner than the rest of the floor so he'd have to clean the whole floor, the counters too they needed to have clean balance... _is that a thing?_ Jim thought to himself mentally searching the kitchen for bleach, the mop-

"Jim." Tanya waved a perfect baby hand in his face.

"How're we supposed to explain to them what's going on?" Jim peaked back in the other room missing Zoe and Joe but Luke and Bethan were sitting on a suitcase talking.

Tanya crossed her arms cocking her head to the right,"What  _is_ going on Chapman?"

"I wish I had an answer..." 

Then they looked at eachother for what felt like years, really seeing eachother for the first time in months. Tanya dabbed at the edges of he eyes before walking straight upstairs without a word.

Jim wanted to reassure her they had their spark back, that this wasn't a one night thing. But at the same time Jim wasn't ready to get close to her again or anybody just to have them ripped away. He'd just gotten through to Marcus, into his twisted mind full of hidden demons and fears then like smoke he was gone without a bye or anything to bring closer, the last thing he ever said was; 'See ya later.' and that  was it. 

He and Tanya could light the fire that had gone dim between them but what if the next day someone took her away too or him. He'd rather get her through it now then weeks or months or years later when they get torn apart again. Life could be so uncertain sometimes...and it really sucked.

"Jim, pizza's here." Luke called from the front room.

Jim snatched a twenty and a five from the cookie jar behind the giant honey bear container. At the door he shoved the money in the hands of a teenager with braces and flat brown hair. 

"That'll be 22.76...thanks for the tip." Braces hefted the pizzas into Jim's hands. "And thank you for your patronage sir." then he was gone. 

Jim dropped the pizza on the coffee table flopping back onto the couch, he kept running his hands through his hair tugging lightly on bronze locks.

"Pain was one of the easiest things to feel but the hardest to get rid of because unlike fear or love it could exist inside, outside, mentally, physically to feel anything at all you'd have to go through pain first at least for me that's how it feels" Jim replayed the quote in his head the one from Marcus's old video the one he posted on youtube in black and white. Jim had seen all of Marcus's old videos he could probably recite every single one by heart, but that one spoke to him, that one line out of all five videos.

"Jim?" Bethan shook a box of pizza to get Jim's attention with a slightly worried look on her face. 

"I'll go get Zoe, you guys pop open a soda or something." Jim jogged up the staircase checking the bathroom before doubling back to Marcus' old room with the door slightly ajar.

Zoe sat on the floor sniffling and shaking while Joe stared at his hands that were also beginning to tremble they sat knee to knee in almost complete silence. Jim was ready to slip in to check up on them but was quickly yanked back by Tanya. 

"Let them be, you're in no shape to be giving advice to someone else." Tanya had changed into what she was wearing the previous day, the yellow sundress clearing her make up off completely. 

"Niether are you then." Jim crossed his arms raising an eyebrow.

"And why is that?"

"You can't even talk to me about...us."

"Don't even go there, I was trying to talk to you but you're hell bent on trying to isolate yourself at the worst time." 

"I'm not trying to isolate myself it's damage control."

"For what?" Tanya asked in a rasp whisper.

"It took an hour to have Marcus, and all his friends taken away. Alfie, Louise, the twins, Emma. An hour to wipe away twenty five lives and I'm just supposed to not think about that, to go straight back into being all happy like that's okay they're gone? If it only took an hour to make them disappear how long will it be before I'm gone too. I don't want to have to lose everything twice, I couldn't take it so it's best I just stay away from everyone." Jim realized he sounded just like Marcus but...was that so wrong.

Tanya started rubbing at her eyes forcing back the tears that threatend to fall, "You do not realize how stupid that is. You have to chug ten beers to even kiss me, do you know how unwanted that makes me feel?"

"No I don't I'm just-"

"It hurts ten times more to know you're here and that you just don't want me than it would be if you loved me with all your heart and something bad happened to me...or you! I love you, okay it's the hardest thing I've ever done trying to let you go and you just don't get that I don't care if you die tommorow I just want to feel the same thing back from you, how hard is that?!" 

Jim watched Tanya scream and cry unable to bring his arms up to pull her in or say that same I love you back. She started to walk then run away her feet beating the floor, the door slammed. Bethan and Luke started up the stairs, Zoe and Joe peaked out from behind the door and Jim stood still blinking away tears, an internal pain building up that never seemed to heal.


	9. Connor

L

Connor awoke with a pain shooting through him and an angry red mark from the party hat around his neck. Jonah's head rested in a bowl of tortilla chips, Trevor lay on the twister mat in a strange postion with his arms spread far above his head and his legs pressed firmly together. Connor removed the party hat, and the radio sticking into his side laying for a moment in complete silence the only sound coming from his breathing. The sun was slowly reaching it's point in the sky shinning it's yellow light into the room. Crushed tortilla chips littered the floor, along with shoes, scrunched up party hats, and solo cups. The perfect mess to conclude the perfect party.

Connor remembered drawing whipped cream mustaches, the mess of bodies during twister, whipping the floor with Trevor in Halo. It all ended with setting off cheap fireworks in the back yard and eating enough pizza to sustain a small army, Connor was still licking sauce from his teeth. With some difficulty he separated himself from the floor standing on wobbly legs, after regainng his balance Connor tip toed down the stairs to find Sam laying flat on the floor staring at the ceiling. If it wasn't for Sam's quiet humming Connor wouldn't have seen him at all. 

"Why?" Connor dropped to a squat resting his head in his hands.

Sam shrugged continuing his humming that sounded like that old Jimmy Eat World song.

"Hungry?" 

"Hell no, if I have another bite of anything else I'll pop like zit." 

"I'm not starving but I could eat."

"Of course you could." Then he's back to humming, closing his eyes into slits. 

With a shrug of his shoulders Connor fell onto his back staring into the ceiling just like Sam. "Wanna play a game?"

"What game? Does it involve moving?"

"No not to much, I ask you three questions then you ask me three questions that's it, but you have to tell the truth."

"Why are we doing this?"

"I'll go first, why're you down here?"

"Just needed a minute alone, plus Trevor was snoring like a hog."

"Are you okay?"

"Doing well thanks."

"Why were you so anxious last night?"

"I really thought you guys would forget about me."

"Why would-"

"Nope it's my turn now. Why're you up so early?"

 "I just am."

"How are the plans for the reunion going."

"Pretty good except the middle and elementary school exchange students won't be there because it's a school day over in britain."

"Why'd you take the job in the first place, you could've said no and it wouldn't matter."

 "Because then some planner would do it, it wouldn't be the same. They go into this blind as a mole only knowing a biased version of events from the news paper or a teacher, but I was there through it all watching people die. It's more to me than just a job and it's a way to honor my friends y'know." 

Sam remained silent soaking up the words, it made sense all of sudden why Connor almost never complained or the hours he'd spend on the phone coaxing parents into talking, refusing any help. 

Trevor came barreling down the steps infront of Jonah with his crazy hair and big eyes. "If it's before two I'm sorry but I'm way to pumped to sleep right now, we should see a movie, buy strippers, eat frog legs!" Trevor talked so fast his words blurred together.

Jonah sat cross-legged on the staircase eating up the last of the potatoe chips. "I vote buy strippers."

"I second that vote." Sam sat up arrow straight raising his hand high. 

Connor let out a small giggle before saying,"I have to go to the florist, sorry guys."

"Flower shop?" Trevor asked losing his cheer.

"To pick out flowers for the reunion, I'm stuck between roses and carnations."

"Neither, roses are cliché and carnations are too frilly."

"Either way, I have to get to the florist, call a bunch more peeople and go back to the school to look at the set up, I have to write my speech too, work out delivery dates, and send invitations all before next week." Connor finished with a smile knotting his hands behind his head.

"Can I go too?" Trevor asked, his voice full of trepidation.

"Yeah, why not?" 

"Then I want to go too." Jonah said with a full mouth. "What're you gonna do Sam?"

"I guess I'll go then...Connor?"

"If we're gonna get out of here before noon you guys better clean up n-" before he could finish the sentence the three of them were already running up the stairs. 

-+

Jonah

Tucking a handfull of gumballs in his pocket Jonah watched Sam drag his feet around the florist shop his eyes stuck on the lilies. Trevor bounced at the store counter beside Connor asking about prices and boring stuff. Jonah paid most of his attention to the girl in the petunias with the short flannel skirt standing beside another guy about his age with a lose tie and blazor hanging over his arm. By the way she squeezed his arm and dropped her head to his shoulder Jonah was sure she was taken. Looking closer at the dirty blonde hair, Jonah realized it was Joey and that was probably Acacia. 

Jonah sunk deeper into his seat covering his face slightly, he did not want it getting around school that he hung out with people like Trevor and Sam. They meant a lot to him but they weren't worth four years of taking everybody's shit. Jonah would never bully Sam like everyone else but he wouldn't be caught dead with him anywhere. That was just the way things worked. 

Joey and his girl with a couple of thorny roses made their way to check out, not looking back once. Jonah watched as Joey pulled out a couple bills couting out several. While the girl twirled her blonde hair eyes falling on Sam completely absorbed in the lilies, she bit her lip adding a sly smile. Joey thanked the shop keeper pulling the girl along behind him and out the store, her eyes remained glued to Sam the entire time. 

That could only mean trouble.

 

 


	10. Caspar

Caspar printed several questions he'd written on the computer folding the paper into a neat square he slid in his shirt pocket. He grabbed his keys with the glowing globe and two Bj's club cards then after locking the door he slipped into the drivers seat starting the car. Jack was probably out on one of his deliveries possibly the last one since it was almost nine, if Gaby went to the mall like she said she'd do he was in the clear for at least another hour. All he had to do was cruise around pizza hut a bit before he'd find Jack. Probably still murmuring to himself about some customer or counting tips, he wouldn't be that hard to miss. After only a few minutes Caspar found Jack walking back to his apartment, he let the car slow to match Jack's pace. 

"You're a stalker." Jack said without looking up. 

"I wrote down my questions, the ones for the interviews y'know."

"Yes I know get on with it."

"I need you to read them duh, I got to thirteen but I was hopping you'd help me with the other two."

"Your faith is very misplaced when it comes to me."

"You're the camera guy, I need you just as much as you need me."

"Not true, while you'd have no job at all without me, I could just film scenic views of the school for the news this year. You're utterly screwed if you mess up this interview."

"Thanks for the reminder,  why won't you help me?"

"I didn't say I wouldn't help I'm just saying you're putting your faith in the wrong person, hand over the questions."

Caspar dropped the square in Jack's outstretched hand as they passed a block of run down houses and a burger place. 

"I'm gonna go get a cheeseburger, you want anything?"

"Some fries maybe-"

"No," and then he's gone inside building.

Caspar drummed against the steering wheel mulling over the days research. As far as Bertie Gilbert went he did run into some police records and a sealed file he'd have to find out what that was about, on teen violence the statistic that stuck to him most was abused children were thirty percent more likely to become abusers themselves and that was about it. He didn't know how that all made sense with the interview but a good reporter always did their research. 

Jack stumbled out the store shaking his head as he unwrapped the burger, the fried onion scent made Caspar's head cloud while he tried to put the car back into drive. "What do you think."

"Question seven is total shit," Jack said through bites.

Caspar snatched back the paper reading over the question, 'What bought you to this event'. Caspar looked to Jack briefly, confused.

"It's so impersonal, you sound like exactly what you are. Some guy who had to do this. You got picked because of your *chewing* lack of conection to anyone involved but that could be the thorn in the flesh when it comes to you."

"Why, I thought I was a good choice?"

"You don't feel anything when you're writing these, you're just making something up to get a good interview. There isn't even a story coming from these questions just dry words on parched paper. Mm this is so good."

"Ok one question is bad-"

"Question ten, four, eleven, eight and five are also crap. The rest are slightly less crap, the whole sheet needs to be scrapped."

"Ten, What do you know about the events

Four, Did you lose a child

Eleven, What is your relation to the victims

Eight, Who're you here to support

Five, What will you do when you leave here."

Jack shook his head a final time before tossing the balled foil wrapper into Caspar's back seat. "Four and eleven are essentially the same question,eight makes it seem like it's all about one person not an entire group of people or some kind of contest, who can get the most sympathy. Five is just uneeded it's something they'll answer themselves and ten is a question you don't need to ask everyone, just a few people to give the audience an idea of what's going on."

"I thought you were just the camera guy."

"I'm also a filmmaker." Jack turned into a dimly lit house picking hamburger from his braces.

"What do I do then?"

"Research the people not just the events, you impersonalize everthing by paying most of the questions to what happened, this whole thing happened because of people so make it about the people add questions about Bertie Gilbert or Finn Harries for all the kids who knew them. Make better questions then get back to me, and change question one to 'How do you think the events of this reunion will effect the community' Humanize your questions...please." with that Jack let himself into the house, closing the door behind him. 

Caspar knew it was coming all along, he'd look up all those people and get to attached like all reporters. He was beginning to doubt his ability to actually do the interviews, with every suggestion and criticsism Jack made, his confidence took another shot. They should've just scrapped the whole idea of using a reporter and videotapped it all. This would be the story that broke Caspar. 

Jack called down from a top floor window,"Go home before you psych yourself out!" 


	11. Zoe

Zoe held tight to Joe's skinny arm burying her face in his shoulder. She tried not to listen to Jim and Tanya yell at eachother, spitting out all the things they couldn't just say to eachother. Every part of her begged to be out in that hall with them cramming their faces together, everyone else seemed to see it except them. They didn't need to talk not really just show eachother how much they truly loved eachother. Zoe knew with Alfie gone she'd probably never find true love for herself again but if she could play cupid for everyone else she would. Except people would only get help if they wanted it and it was obvious Jim and Tanya didn't want anybody butting in. 

When the screaming finally stopped Zoe allowed herself a glimpse at Jim staring straight at the carpet, tears trailed down his cheeks then splashed on his sweater. Joe crawled out into the hallway, standing beside Jim with the wondering look of a child. He beckoned Zoe to stand up too, she followed Joe's lead to the stairs and down where Bethan and Luke stood infront of the door passing a slice of pizza between them. 

"Maybe we should just go to the hotel, Jim doesn't need all this on his hands right now." Bethan suggested, whispering so only they could hear.

"Or maybe he needs us more than ever now to keep his mind off things, he'd hardly want to be alone at a time like this." Joe offered leaving his proposal on the table for debate. 

"Why don't we just ask him." Luke said, like it was the easiest most logical answer there was. 

The three of them looked to Zoe for some confirmation. Her head dropped faster than a cement block. "I don't know."

"It's fine if you're not sure what to do, we're just as confused as you." Joe punched Zoe lightly in arm. Hiding the concern in his voice with humor. "We'll just wait it out, if it seems like we're pestering him we'll leave if we can't tell we'll ask...deal?"  

With no objections Joe clapped his hands moving to the open pizza box, he sat cross legged digging into a slice. 

Zoe, Luke and Bethan watched noiselessly, wondering if it was wrong to just continue eating.

"Well are you gonna let the food get cold?"

-+

They ended up chatting mindlessly not mentioning Jim once, and Jim never came back downstairs. It wasn't until Zoe's stomach had finally began to feel sick that, anybody decided to go upstairs and check. 

Joe mumbled something about a stomachache and bolted up the stairs avoiding the bathroom completely he went straight to Jim's room, the door open wide. Jim was folding up clothes tucking them neatly back into drawers with the shirt collars as crisp as the day he'd bought them. 

"Knock knock?" Joe peered around the door waiting for a reply.

"You guys want to know if you can stay and I don't know the answer to that." Jim didn't look up or slow his rhythm in the slightest. He kept pressing out wrinkles, folding and sliding shirts into drawers.

"I don't know is as good as a yes?"

"No, I'm not sure if I want you here but I'm not quite sure I don't."

"So maybe?"

"Maybe would mean there's more a chance I'll say yes."

Joe passed over a blue jumper from a pile of clothes on the ironing board. "So there's more a chance you'll say no?"

"I didn't say that."

"Then what are you saying?" 

"I'm saying I don't know." A small hitch in Jim's rhythm when he noticed the jumper in Joe's outstrecthed hand.

"What do I tell Bethan, Luke and Zoe?"

"I don't know."

"Are you sure of anything right now."

"I'm sure, I don't know if I'm sure about anything."

"But if you're sure, you're not sure about anything then you're sure of something?"

"But I'm not sure of anything."

Joe rolled his eyes, messily folding a flannel t-shirt, "That doesn't make any sense."

"No, no it doesn't.."

"Can we stay or not?"

"I don't know."

"Why?"

"I'd rather be alone."

"Why?"

"I have things to think about."

"Why?"

"Tanya."

"Why?"

"She wants me close to her and I can't be. I need to think that over and it'd be difficult to do with people here. Don't ask why again, it just would be."

"And if we stay?"

"I probably won't think about it at all."

"Do you want to think about it."

"Not really."

"Then we stay?"

"But I should try to, for Tan it's the least I could do."

"Then we leave?" 

"You're already here why make you replan your whole trip already?"

"Are you thinking about it now?" 

"Yes."

"Then we stay?"

"I suppose so."

Joe watched Jim fold up the last shirt painstakingly slow, placing it gently ontop the other piles of shirts, pushing the drawer shut. "That's that." Joe said with the tiniest smirk. 

Jim's face suddenly disentegrated turning a shade of red Joe hadn't seen it turn before, his legs gave out sending him to the floor, he started shaking violently hands knocking over bottles of cleaning solutions, piles of jeans not yet folded. 

"Zoe!" Joe called before taking a knee, holding Jim's arms so they wouldn't destroy something else. 

Zoe came running up, flustered and out of breath, she took in the scene quickly moving to restrain Jim's legs. "What happened?!" 

"I don't know he just started going psycho!"

"What do we do?!" 

"....uh? I- uh-"

"Joe!"

"I don't know what to do, is it a heart attack? He's not that old!"

"He's not old at all!"

Luke appeared describing the convulsions Jim made how it seemed like he was foaming at the mouth. "Ambulance will be here in seven minutes at most. They said just hold him down until he stops shaking."

"Where has Bethan gone?" Zoe asked.

"It's hard for her to deal with stuff like this, ever since...y'know."

Joe let up a bit when he noticed Jim's movements slow until he wasn't moving at all. "Luke?" 

"They didn't say anything about what if he stopped moving?!"

Zoe looked at his body unmoving. She remebered Alfie when they lowered him into the ground, the most peaceful look on his face, missing the crooked smile, bright eyes the blush in his cheek completely gone. What if Jim was right, life was so uncertain why bother having relationships when they could be gone in the blink of an eye. 

Her eyes scanned his stiff chest, his face turning blue his eyes open almost searching even in their stillness. Jim's on the floor blue as the ocean, cold and still as a statue. He could die in the middle of his own bedroom because a group of teenagers couldn't figure out what to do. 

"If he isn't shaking we just have to leave him be." Luke suggested keeping his voice level while a vein popped out in his neck.

"He's blue!" Joe held onto Jim's limp arms waiting for them to start shaking once again. "You want me to just watch him turn into a blueberry?!"

Feet pounded the staircase followed by the sound of muffled voices and scuffling shoes. A woman with her hair in a tight knot. She looked at Jim with his eyes bulging dropping to the floor, she inserted a tube down Jim's throat then attached a big container of air squeezing it while placing the stethescope to Jim's chest.

"How long has he been like this?"

Joe scratched his head, it couldn't be more than ten minutes, the ambulance couldn't take that long? But it had to be sometime before Luke noticed something was wrong. Who could survive without breathing for more than two minutes let alone ten...how long was it?

"Any day know sir."

"Ten minutes?"

Joe looked to Luke who shrugged then nodded, turning back to the paramedic he confirmed. "Ten minutes."

Things seemed to move in flash with people coming in asking questions quickly, bringing in tools and making Zoe's head pound. They lifted Jim onto a gurney whisking him down the stairs with Luke close behind. She saw Alfie again pale as a ghost with the holes in his chest, his face devoid of any emotions. Would this end up the same way? She backed into the wall letting herself fall to the floor, "Jim..." 

-+

Zoe kept her eyes shut squeezing the lids so tight they could rip, she didn't want to see the all too familiar waiting room. She spent almost a week in the same chair watching people walk in and out of that room shaking their heads giving her the most pitiful look. She knew Alfie probably clawed with all his strength out of the coma, pushing himself into a waking state only to fall completely flat. Until he couldn't fight anymore all his strength was gone. He died the day before their anniversery, she watched them tuck his body into one of those big black bags. She called his mom to tell her she no longer had a son, then the same for Niomi and Marcus. They all escaped even Louise ran away to the invisible world. 

But Joe stayed, he woke her up everyday for school when they got back to brighton and never once did he forget. Tanya called twice a week just to hear her say hi, Bethan went the extra mile to bring her cookies even when it was two feet of snow outside, and Jim...he flew out three times to visit bringing gifts from Tanya, playing video games with Joe. 

Zoe was never alone, not even after losing so much. If she'd pushed them all away and that was her in the hospital bed she'd have so many regrets. Wishing maybe she didn't purposefully wear victoria secret perfume just to make Joe sick, or the one week she missed all of Tanya's calls maybe she should've tried harder to get them, eating the cookies Bethan bought instead of giving them to Joe, not waiting for Jim at the airport. Those small things seemed so important, she'd regret it all if that was her on the bed. 

Zoe looked over at Joe with his cosmopolitan still on the same page and his brow furrowed, Luke combing his fingers through Bethan's hair while she bit her nails. Tanya kept walking back and forth before the door keeping her sights on the little square window. 

They could lose Jim, the seemingly indestructable rock. The one guy who never once broke, who smiled all the smiles everyone else couldn't find. What if he didn't wake up, what if a simple look was the last thing Zoe ever got to say to him.

After what felt like an enternity a nurse came out of the room her face solemn...


	12. Tyler

They drove in complete silence, Troye in the back seat with his eyes glued to the floor. Tyler trying his best to calm his nerves. He couldn't help the worries flooding through him, Troye seemed fine when they video chatted earlier why all of sudden does he just break down? Tyler couldn't feel the same things Troye did about eveything, he only knew one person from the school, Marcus Butler and it wasn't like they were best friends Marcus wouldn't let it get that far. He was going to be Troye's rock through all this, getting him through the reunion in one piece so if need be, he could fall apart all over again. 

Everybody would be out there, cursing Bertie for taking away so many people, for making one mistake that was irresversible. Troye would probably be the only one out there on Bertie's side, celebrating his life and trying to forgive his fault. He needed Tyler most of all now. It could get really difficult being depended on, if he fell it'd be a domino effect and Troye would fall with him. 

"Don't worry about me okay, I just had a little freakout. I'm fine...promise." Troye said looking up from the car floor finally.

"Don't say fine, anytime anybody says fine they're not." 

Troye crawled to the front of the car sitting in the passengers seat,"Then I'm okay."

"That's not good enough."

"...I'm doing well."

"Getting there."

"It's hard remembering why I'm here, and who I was with last time the stupid fight we had about whether or not I should meet you. I never thought he'd actually be gone...so I won't say I'm good or anything better than alright...or worse."

"Tell me more about the fight you guys had."

"I told him about meeting you over youtube, he was there when we first skyped. He said I should be cautious of people I meet over the internet taking advantage of me and I knew he was right, but I just couldn't let it go so I met up with you at panera...you remember."

Tyler nodded hiding his red faced embarrasment. He was all shaky and sweaty but when he saw Troye standing at the counter turning green he didn't feel so nervous anymore. They had that sort of calming effect on eachother, even over the internet. When Tyler had a bad day, or a fight with his mom.

"Bertie almost flipped when he saw I was gone, he waited for me all night and when I came back he just hugged me. Didn't scream or anything, not until the next day that was when he went with us to that movie. What am I supposed to do without him...Bertie's my only friend. Why'd I have to be the one to find him, if I'd gone to bed earlier I would've gotten his messages we could've talked it out...he didn't have to do what he did."

"You feel guilty I get it but just don't this isn't worth beating yourself up over. At least you got to say bye to him right?"

"He said you were more important than him, why would he ever think that. It's not fair that I have to choose between you two, I just didn't want to miss out on more chances to be with you. I didn't know...I didn't know he'd do that."

"Tyler pulled into a burger parking lot, completely desolate the store inside almost empty, except a few workers eating at the counters. "Just stop thinking okay, turn your brain off that's it." 

"It's not that easy."

"Yes it is, what's your favorite color?"

"Blue."

"What kind of blue?"

 "Like a powder blue, kinda gray...I know it when I see it. Yours is-"

"Flourescent beige!"

Troye giggled staring into the burger king with dry eyes. "We should eat."

"Mama does not eat at burger king, we are going to Starbucks!"

"And does Mama have Starbucks money?" Troye teased.

"I'll pay you back?" Tyler poked out his bottom lip, making his eyes glimmer. 

Troye crossed his arms, he was not feeding Tyler's habit. If one wanted their own Starbucks they'd work for it. This would be the last day Troye let himself be tempted by those blue eyes, the cutest little pout that could turn anybody's heart to goo...

-+

"We should get coffee-you don't like hot drinks...muffins! I haven't had the new refreshers yet, I want a sandwich...we should get a ton of cookies, Troye!" Tyler whined tugging on Troye's arm.

"I said two things, I mean it Tilly."

"I definitly married for love." Tyler muttered under his breath. He settled with a roasted tomato and mozerella pinni paired with a very berry hibiscus drink. 

Troye bought snickerdoodles and ended up giving half of them to Tyler.  He tried not to think about Bertie and the look he'd probably have on his face right then, but it just kept coming back. He'd probably be leaning forward in his chair with his earbuds in but no song playing. He might whisper something in Troye's ear telling him to calm the hell down. 

"Did you ever even like Bertie?" Troye asked suddenly, not understanding where the question came from.

"…I don't know, we never said much other than hello. You're not supposed to be thinking about that?"

"Why, I'm not crying," Troye pat around his eyes to make sure no stray tears lingered.

"Yeah but you're here to let go of all that, everything that happened last year."

"What's the point, I'm no better off. Whether I put it all out of my mind there would be a huge chunk of me missing or not." 

"If you keep living like Bertie's still here or thinking he is, holding on to those same hopes and dreams you both had. You aren't really finding yourself."

"I know myself."

"No, you're trying to fit yourself into the mold of person that isn't you."

"I'm always nervous I don't have any other character traits."

"You like to be helpful."

"Only when I can get something out of it."

"Just like everybody else." 

"So I'm generic?" Troye's eyebrow shot up waiting for the answer.

"You know you're not."

"Do I?"

Tyler climbed over to Troye's seat resting in his lap. "Who's the one that learned sign language in three years."

"Me." Troye whispered.

"Who's the guy that still woke up every morning after losing his best friend."

"A lot of people."

"Troye."

"Me," he rolled his eyes.

"Who loves me like no one else ever will?"

Troye smiled big showing off his white teeth,"Me."

"That's right." They sealed the deal with a kiss, chaste and short.

Troye leaned back in his seat, staring up at the man infront of him with his bright hair and colassal smile. "I love you Tyler, I do."

 

 


	13. Sam

Sam hung back in the flower shop examing the lilies further, especially the calla lily with the long green stems a yellow spike in the middle of the milky white flower. After one last look Sam started walking back to the supermarket, where Trevor, Connor and Jonah were looking through more flowers. Out of nowhere came a girl with blondish hair running down the sidewalk like a mad man her arms waving erradically she tripped off the back of her flip flop, tumbling right into...Sam.

They landed with her on to a knee on either side of Sam's hip. She pulled herself up blinking away confusion, "Well this isn't the best way to introduce myself."

Sam, unable to form words shook his head. 

"Acacia." She extended a slender hand covered in bracelets. 

"...Sam." he struggled to get into a sitting position, pushing Acacia farther into his lap. 

"I like that name." She stood pulling Sam up with her. Her eyes sparkled blue like saphires, her smile was big showing of shiny braces.

Sam's gaze remained on the ground,"I'm sorry." He started to walk around her, his head still low.

With a perfectly manecured hand, Acacia pressed him back into the wall tilting his head upward. "I crashed into you that's my job to say sorry...so....sorry." she smiled a final time before walking around Sam breaking into a short run down the pavement. 

Sam stared after her following the bounce of her skirt and the way the breeze ruffled her hair. He didn't understand why someone who looked like a goodess would talk to him? If she knew anything about him she'd back away slowly. Did he not already scream stay away from me, with holy water and a cross? But still...she sure was pretty.

Jonah came jogging out from the supermarket with that angry look on his face. "C'mon!"

Sam peeled himself off the wall following Jonah back into the store.

"What took you so long?"

"This girl rolled me over like a pinball, but she talked to me."

"Who, what? What'd she look like, what's her name...is she pretty? Do I need to stalk her...c'mon spit it out."

"Okay, she had blondish hair, she's really pretty, I don't know if you should stalk her I don't know her but she was nice, and her name's Acacia."

Jonah bit his lower lip, "Acacia? No, this is not happening. Why on gods green earth did it have to be her?" Jonah turned to the ceiling crossing his right hand over his chest. 

"I don't get it,"

"Of course you don't...nevermind it might be fine, as long as it doesn't get back to Joey. I'll be fine, we need to have a meeting about this!"

"You're not making any sense."

"Tell me next time you talk to her, please! And don't tell anybody else...not even Mikey, not yet anyway." 

"Okay?"

Connor appeared his head hanging low,"I'm not getting anywhere. The flowers are pretty, but I want them to mean something, it can't be all about decoration."

"Maybe when we get back to the school, your mind might clear up." Trevor suggested.

-+

Connor

The four of them stood on the front lawn, staring out at the wide space. Only Connor saw the people jumping out of windows, he heard their screams picturing faces pressed up against the glass. He closed his eyes trying to make the images go away. Hiding out in that corner with Marcus, pressing bags against the door, those faces frozen with the look of terror. Connor started shaking seeing it all in flashes over and over like a never ending slide show.

"You alright buddy?" Jonah asked.

"Yeah...fine." Connor tried to shaking away the feeling, yet it just kept coming back with a stronger hold. "I'm supposed to be over this...

He saw the backpacks crammed up against the door, faceless screaming. "When I say go, you run and don't stop until you get to room 18, get everybody out of there and into the janitors closet. Don't fucking stop or look back okay?" 

  _I should've dragged him with me, Bertie probably never would've went through with his threat anyway. Maybe he just let it go and shot himself right there, or waited for the police? What proof was there that Bertie ever would've done anything?_ Connor mulled the thought over replaying that same sentence Marcus said to him. He remembered how his whole body was shaking and he'd give anything to just make everything go away. That slight look of relief on Marcus' face. The memories never went away and they probably hever would they're just some days he doesn't think of it. 

They were all gone. Jc and his too cool for school attitude, Ricky's sassiness, Kian's acting like a  psycho and Andrea the voice of reason through all their fights or sometimes the reason the ever even started. They were all gone forever. Leaving behind memories, broken hearts, wishes, fears, insecurities, lifetimes barely started. Trevor wrote letters to people who would never read them, spending hours meticulously writing and editing just to fold the paper into an envelope and put it in a shoe box, Sam internalized it all never letting out a single emotion, Jonah seemed to stay the same no better no worse like nothing had really changed at all. 

Connor went to school, competed in swin meets, and up until recently that was it living just for the sake of it. No real goals or aspirations. Was that really it?

Sam wandered around the field picking around the clovers, Trevor stared at the school building with all the doors closed. While Jonah sat under the flowerless cherry tree in deep thought. 

Right then Connor knew exactly what he wanted to do for the reunion. 

 

 

 

 


	14. Caspar

1.How do you think the events of this reunion will affect the community?

2.Did you personally know Bertie Gilbert?

3.Did you lose someone close to you?

4.How are you dealing with this tradgedy?

5.Could you ever forgive Bertie?

6.What did you know about Finn Harries?

7.Do you personaly blame Bertie for what happened?

8.Do you think the school could've done anything to change the outcome of that day?

9.Would you place blame on anyone? Yourself?

10.What bought you here today? 

Caspar typed them all into the email he sent to Jack then downed the rest of his coffee waiting for any word back. Almost an hour passed before Jack responded with,

'They need some rearranging but they're good Caspar. Now go to sleep!'

He read the email a few times before it finally sunk in, the questions,  _his_ questions were good. Sighing he closed all the tabs on teen violence, school shootings, records, and newspaper excepts...all except one report from the mongomery county hospital he kept it to himself saving it as a private bookmark. 

"Caspar," Gabby groaned rubbing her eyes.

"I know what you're going to say, I'm going to bed," he started shutting down the computer, scraping up dried sugar stains on the desk with his thumb nail.

"I was going to ask if you needed any help?" 

Without warning Caspar pulled her in for a hug, squeezing his arms tight around her waist,"I really do love you."

"I know. You okay?"

"Reading about all that death and those people, it really makes you appreciate life." 

Gabby relaxed into his arms, resting her head on his shoulder,"I appreciate you too," she said with a giggle.

Caspar wondered what they thought about in their last few moments of life? Were they too scared to think? Was it filled with horror or was it a strange type of peace. Caspar knew that this moment with Gabby illuminated by the dying light of the computer would be the moment he would think about.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anybody out there?


	15. Chapter 15

UPDATES COMING SOON KEEP READING :)


	16. Jim

Jim blinked away sleep and let his eyes adjust to the harsh lights, he tried lifting an arm but it turned to noodle so he just left it limp at his side. The tv was on playing 'The Price is Right' only person he knew that could stand an episode of that was

"Tan?" Jim struggled to wiggle his head around to face the shadow sitting straight up in the chair.

She didn't speak, instead she pressed his hand to her heart. It beat like a bird's wings-strong but light and feathery all at the same time. 

"I'm sorry." 

"My dad used to tell me sometimes we think so hard we forget to breathe..I understand what he means now." 

"How could you ever forget to breathe?" Jim started rolling his head around the pillow to get a glimpse of Tan with his hand still over her chest. 

"You get this idea that consumes you, you forget to stop and smell the roses for a second and just...live." 

"I haven't been consumed, there are too many what ifs to consider when you're trying to get close to someone."

"It's fun really. It will always keep you on your toes wondering what happens next."

"I don't want to guess I want to know that there is at least one thing that will never change, I could've died today Tan and that would be it. Forever."

"No matter how hard you push me I'm here for the long haul so don't you ever dream of there being an end to you and me. The point of making friends and having relationships with other people is so...for the time you're on this earth you can enjoy it. Nobody no matter how they swear they can, could live this lie alone."

"I won't depenfd on people who could so easily get swept away or leave you with the burden of having to be without me."

"There is an uncertaity with every choice you make but if seriously just settle into a rut where every road is paved for you and there isn't a chance of anything ever happening would you be truly happy with that?"

"I'm scared to death I'll lose you."

Tanya stood finally, moving into Jim's field of view she leaned over all the wires and beeping machines until her lips hovered perfectly over Jim's neck where the heat radiated off him. She kissed the bottom of his chin and dropped her head so it nestled perfectly inside. 

"I'm tattooed in your heart, it might fade but it will never disappear.

With teeth gritted Jim found the strength to lock his arms around her,"I love you."

"I love you more," she closed her eyes and breathed him in. "I missed you."

"I missed you more."

-+

Joe

He glanced over at Luke and Bethan absorbed in their world where only the two of them existed then down at Zoe her head resting on his shoulder. 

''Hey Zo?"

"Yeah?" Zoe said sleepily.

"I'm glad they didn't take you away too."

She looked up briefly and blinked confirming it was really her brother saying this," You rascal making me cry." 

Joe smiled his goofy little grin sinking lower in the chair so he could look up at Zoe her eyes filling up with tears that fell in tiny rolls into his hair. "Well somebody's got to do it."

She mussed his hair then squeezed him like he could float away.

Somehow they were alright.


End file.
